Bell Rhymes With Hell or is it Hell that Rhymes with Bell?

Well, the book has been out for a while, I have it on my Kindle DX, but I have not read it, so I am prepared to make some comments – but, in the tradition of a long line of the other reviewers of Rob’s book “Love Win” I am not going to comment on the content of the book – that would be too hard.

Here are three points (because we all know God always gives us proof in three points and a conclusion – it’s a trinity thing) that prove the book, Love Wins by Rob Bell, is completely demonic in nature:

POINT ONE: If you add (I almost wrote ass –but I was quick to edit that, because saying ass would be a sin) all (dang, again with the ass – and the “l” is on the other side of the keyboard) the letter in ROB BELL you come up with 66.  If you add (shit, I can’t believe I did it again, shit, shit, shit) all (ok, enough with the ass crap) the letters in the title of his book “LOVE WINS” you come up with 144, and we all can see 1+1+4=6.  So, if we put them together we get 666.

POINT TWO: If you got to the location 666 (as we all know, when reading from the Kindle DX you should always skip the location 666 because Satan always leaves a hidden message there to misguide us; especially if you are reading all the cool fundies say is wrong) on the Kindle DX you will see what I am saying.  Here is what you need to do.  When you read the page, and you break it down so only the letters are set in individual squares on a spread sheet, kind of like the Bible Code (except not so demonic) and you are lead by the Holy Spirit (like I was), you can pick out individual letters (randomly spaced and in no particular order) you will be able to spells out a sentence that says, “If you read this book you will be going to hell – you lose.”

POINT THREE: the word “music” (we all know, with the exception of our godly hymns, and a few songs from the 40s, music is from Satan) appears 3 times in the book, at the Kindle DX locations 469, 2042 and 2105.  If we add (crap!) all those together we get the number  4616.  If we divide that number by 666, we get 6.9.  If we add (now I am getting pissed) 6 and 9 we get 15, and if we add (man, this is weird) 1 and 5 we get 6 – and since the word appears three time we can see that we get 666.

CONCLUSION: Because I always follow the teaching of God, there must be a conclusion to my trinity of points (every true pastor gives a sermon or teaching with three points and a conclusion).  I can only conclude that “Love Wins” from Rob Bell is a book that is demonic in nature.  Even though the book has been out for a while, and I have it on my Kindle DX I do not need to read it to prove my point.  Besides, in looking over the points and adding (this time I did not write ass – because “assing” is not a word) up the numbers – well, you get the picture.

In the past I have been disenfranchised by the religious right, I hope this puts me back in good graces with them and they ass me back on the list.

4 thoughts on “Bell Rhymes With Hell or is it Hell that Rhymes with Bell?

  1. Yeah, you’re going on a list, that’s for sure (if you’re not there already!)
    They are going to ass your sorry add to the likes of Kiss and Hitler I’m sure.
    Very funny review. Thanks.

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